Develop Positive Behaviors

It's hard for a parent to always know the right thing to say and the best way to discipline a child who misbehaves. The following are a few simple guidelines to keep in mind when dealing with negative behavior in children.

• MODEL: Always behave in the way you would like your children to behave. Behaviors like sharing, being respectful and polite, listening, following directions, being kind are all learned by modeling. You are your child’s first, greatest, and “forever” teacher!
• EXPECTATIONS: Have realistic expectations of what your child can and cannot do. Pay attention to their development, their conversation abilities, and their play with their friends in order to get a sense of their abilities.
• TRUTH: Children need adults to be truthful with them. Through adults, children learn to understand the world and themselves. Even in difficult times or when you wish you could answer otherwise, tell the truth to your child. Naturally there are some situations in which it is better for a child not to know everything you do. Consider your child’s developmental ability, then, tell your child what you think they can understand and what you feel they need to know in order to feel safe and competent.
• CONSISTENCY: Children need adults to be consistent with them. Children will learn right and wrong more quickly and easily if it is always the same. Be as consistent as possible in all situations and explain the reasoning behind the rules.
• IMMEDIATE FEEDBACK: When a child misbehaves, the consequences should be immediate. Consequences should always be clear and known to the child before they misbehave. Children forget things fairly quickly so allow the child to face the consequences immediately and then be done. Try not to continue reprimanding the child long after the incident – they will hardly remember and will mostly be just scared and confused.
• LOGICAL OUTCOMES: The consequences should be logical and related to the misbehavior. The punishment for hitting a friend can include: listening to the other describe how much it hurt, having to help the injured friend (getting tissues or a cold cloth), deciding how to make the friend feel better (draw a picture, play their favorite game, give up a place in line).
• LOVE AND ACCEPTANCE: This is the most important piece to discipline. Children must feel that they are loved and accepted in order to become full and contributing members of their communities. Children who experience their parents as loving and accepting (parents who understand that everyone makes mistakes, who understand an individual’s special talents and areas of difficulty, and who are loving even when a child feels unlovable) are more considerate of the needs of others, more responsible, more independent, and are more likely to be happy, highly motivated, and creative adults.